Crazy Aussies...

For any of you who are thinking of visiting John Paul and I; it’s out duty to prepare you as much as possible. Here are a few weird, unusual, and disturbing things that I’ve discovered.

1. Australia is a highly regulated country which means a few unfortunate things:

a. You are not allowed to get a “doggy bag” if you don’t finish your meal. They think you may sue the restaurant if you do not re-heat it properly and get sick. I think this is BS. If I paid for the food, I own it….and it is none of your business how/when I eat it.

b. The drinking limit is .05 vs. .08. They have random road-side checks where every single driver blows into a breathalyzer. It is nuts! We got stopped on a Wednesday around 9pm. If you blow over, they put you in a drunk bus and you have to sit there until they are done with the check. The officers were actually really nice to me and even gave me some crackers to sober me up….JUST KIDDING. Luckily all of our watering holes are within walking distance to our house. To all of my booze hound friends – look out!

2. A Few Very Unfortunate Food Discoveries

a. Crystal Light – Not available
b. PAM cooking spray – Not available
c. They have NO good types of Ranch dressing
d. No grape jelly
e. Half & Half – Not available
f. They put BEETS on sandwiches
g. We had to jump through hoops to get real ‘ground’ coffee and the second rate Kmart had only 1 choice for a drip coffee maker. (We bought it.)

3. A Few Extremely Alarming Discoveries

a. Shirts and shoes ARE optional. I can understand on or around the beach….but I am talking about malls and grocery stores. I saw a grown man walking around IKEA yesterday (no shoes) with toenails that looked like bear claws

b. Aussies are more liberal with their hair styles – I saw a man the other day in the grocery store (who, by the way, had no shirt or shoes on) who had short hair – except for a bleached stripe that turned into a curly rat tail. I also saw a old lady on the tram who had bright red hair and had used at least one jumbo can of AquaNet to get it to stand strait up. Like she had literally stuck her finger in an electrical outlet.

c. It seems that more parents (not to generalize) let their children run around like banshees (often in diapers and nothing else). It’s like they don’t realize that Saturday afternoon at IKEA is probably not the best time to teach your toddler how to walk.

d. The ladies here are sporting some serious fake nails – often choosing the ‘reverse French manicure’ as I like to call it. This is where they leave the nailbed unpolished, glue on some crystals, then paint the tips another color. I’m kind of inspired to try it (sans the crystals)….but come on….lets be serious…

e. Speedos are frequent – commonly found on older, overweight men who look like they have been in the Australian sun for 50 years too long

4. Weird and Annoying Discoveries

a. Places here close WAY to early. We were going to go grocery shopping the other day, but the store closed at 6:00pm. When is the last time you saw a Harris Teeter close at 6:00pm?

b. They have very odd payment methods. Example #1) Our rent is broken out per week instead of per month. If someone told me that they wanted to rent my condo for 3 weeks I would look at them like they had 3 heads. Example #2) After my near death jogging experience, John Paul and I signed up at the local gym yesterday. When going through the membership payment options, you could either pay the entire year upfront, monthly, or by FORTNIGHT. First of all, who would pay for a gym membership every two weeks? Second of all, what’s wrong with saying Bi-monthly? I feel strongly that any anyone who uses the word FORTNIGHT should have a 25lb. dumbbell dropped on their foot to snap them back into reality. The only time I think this term is appropriate is if you were reenacting the Revolutionary War.

5. WAIT, There is Good News!!!

a.

John Paul and I have found this awesome Wines Direct warehouse. Needless to say, we found a couple of bottles that we liked, so we went back and cleaned them out. I am not going to tell any of you how much we paid because you will be completely jealous for us discovering this hidden gem. Get excited though, because you’ll probably be drinking it if you come and visit.

b. I take credit for making many of my girlfriends a fan of this dry shampoo called Klorane. I discovered this miracle spray at a shop called Stella Nova when I was living in Charleston a few years ago. The only downside was that it was $18 for a pretty small aerosol bottle. Ladies, try to contain your excitement - but I discovered Klorane at a pharmacy here for only $14 Australian dollars!!! I’m no mathematician, but I think if you convert that to American currency it ends up being free.