Holy Preservatives!

John Paul and I have discovered a hidden gem amongst the Australian landscape – a specialty grocery store called none other than USA FOODS!!! We had heard urban legends regarding this telltale establishment but didn’t truly believe it until we saw it with our own eyes.

Upon entering USA Foods; you get an instant buzz from the familiar boxes of Jiffy Corn Bread and shiny cans of Dr. Pepper. My trained eye quickly zeroed in on the Crystal Light canisters neatly lined up like little soldiers and I had the instant urge to sprint down the aisle like a Shop Til You Drop contestant. Before I could do a clean sweep of their inventory; I was distracted by a disturbingly large number looming underneath the beautiful towers of Raspberry Lemonade dust. $12.95 FOR A CONTAINER OF CRYSTAL?!?

I understand that these items are going to come at a premium – but that’s highway robbery! Little did I know that my dreams would once again be shattered within minutes…
Most people know that my personal obsessions are ranked as follows:

1. Crystal Light
2. Rod Stewart
3. Cereal
4. Joel McHale

With that being documented; I was ecstatic to discover they sold the full range of Capt’n Crunch cereal – including my favourite (WITH Crunch Berries). HOL - LER! What did not excite me was the $14.99 price tag. Seriously?! I hope the store owners cant sleep at night knowing that they are marking up their products 300% from MSRP. Once again; I just couldn’t bring myself to make the purchase.

Despite my manic behaviour, John Paul contained himself pretty well through the whole experience. He tends to have a “selective conversion rate” and somehow justified paying $10 for a jar of JIF peanut butter. He also snuck in 2 packs of $4 Big Red gum. In fact, the only thing he did get hot and bothered over was that some guy bought the last can of Manwich.

The whole shopping event was kind of a blur – all I knew was that we were $150 poorer. When we got home; I suggested that we account for all of our purchases and discovered that we essentially acquired a random mix of junk food. Real Tortilla Chips, Grape Jelly, Mrs. Butterworth Syrup, Bisquick, Snack Sized 3 Musketeers, and Pop Tarts. Yes, Pop Tarts. This is one of the foods that I had sworn off for life. I don’t trust any pastry that has a shelf life longer than a presidential term. Nevertheless, I rationalized buying – not 1 – but TWO boxes because I couldn’t decided on brown sugar or strawberry. I should be punished!