Charlotte Fat Camp

As I was looking through the pictures from my trip back to the US; I became distinctly aware that my entire visit was centered around eating. In fact, at least 50% of the pictures taken were of me and my friends at restaurants. Here’s me and (________) eating breakfast at my FAVORITE bagel joint. Here’s me and (________) eating at my FAVORITE café for lunch. Here’s me and (________) having martinis and sushi at my FAVORITE trendy hot spot in Charlotte. This went on for an entire week! The most embarrassing part is that if I was driving somewhere on my own during a “feeding time”; I embraced the opportunity to eat some of my FAVORITE fast food. This is starting to sound like someone’s audition tape for The Biggest Loser. GROSS!! If I was in between meals; I would find an excuse to go to a Starbucks and get the biggest drink they offered. During my entire visit; I never got anything smaller than a Venti drip or a Venti iced coffee (these are NOT available in Oz).
I use to think it was so asinine that my friend Liz would come home from Chicago and insist on going to Chick-Fil-A and Bojangles. I would bitch non stop about how lard was the main ingredient in ½ of their menu items and was sure that no one over the age of six still ate stupid Bo-Berry Biscuits. Well, lightning strike me now because I am guilty of the same crime. Seriously though, the whole concept is pretty ridiculous. Its not like I’m going to come home in two years to find that Chick-Fil-A’s have evaporated from planet Earth. Furthermore, is not like I’ve been surviving off of insects and plant roots in the Outback for the past three months. Is it really necessary to take a Culinary Tour of Charlotte with the same enthusiasm that Octo-Mom has for IVF??? Bad analogy….
I’m going to the gym.