You've got to watch this video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0SchmcLXMQ

Ummm.....

You Stay Classy, Melbourne

This is a copy of a Billboard that is right outside of our service center for work.

"Get Loose With The Goose"

This has been known to happen after too many dirty martinis...

or as T.I. once said, "NO GREY GOOSE IF YOU DON'T GET LOOSE!"

Six days down...Seven to go!

Since I’ve been “home alone” for 6 days now I have defeated two pesky robbers and screamed when using aftershave. Bad joke. …but I am happy to report that my track record of productivity has continued. Here are the highlights of the past week:
1. Spent $230 on new running shoes. I have three words for this: WTF. Next time I am buying Keds.
2. Completely organized every single closet in our house. Do you know that towels, t-shirts, etc. will stay neater (and you’ll be able to fit more) if you roll them? Try it.
3. Washed the sheets with my imported Victoria’s Secret dryer sheets. Yummy!
4. Watched the Royal Tennenbaums, The Usual Suspects, The Green Mile, & Funny Farm back to back.
5. Found out that I LOVE Baklava.
6. Found out that there is a bakery right down the street that makes the BEST Baklava. This could be trouble.
7. Spent ½ a day trying to get a “dressing gown” embroidered. Don’t ask. Actually go ahead and ask…I love telling people this story. It is just not appropriate for a public website.
8. Went on a creepy Facebook girl-date. Good news! She wasn’t creepy and has friend potential. Yeah!
9. Laughed out loud watching Australia’s Funniest Videos.
10. Laughed out loud again watching Borat. When is his Bruno moving coming out anyways?
11. Went to an American Expat meet-up and met a couple from Charlotte. Small world.
12. Spent all day yesterday wishing I had some Baklava.

During the limited ‘down time’ I have when not being productive; I really do miss John Paul. Even some of his quirky tendencies are beginning to become very endearing to me. Here are a few examples:

#1: When he ‘cleans up’ and puts my customer files in very logical places – like under the kitchen sink.
#2. When he puts 3 Nalgene bottles full of water in our uncommonly small refrigerator because the Brita filter just isn’t good enough.
#3. When he asks me if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean or dirty.
#4. When he insinuates that I should give him positive reinforcement when he KNOWS when they are clean or dirty.

Here is a scenario that happened recently that I find completely hilarious.
John Paul makes a smoothie in the blender and realizes, “Uh oh, I’ve made too much to fit into a normal glass.”
What do you do?
Option A. – Fill up a normal glass and drink it until there is room to pour in the rest of the smoothie. Or…
Option B. – Find a FLOWER VASE and use that instead so that the entire drink fits.
I think you can probably guess which one John Paul picked. Now he uses it every time he makes a smoothie because it ‘fits perfectly.’

Can you blame me for being completely head over heels for this guy??? :)

At this rate, I will have this place 5S compliant by the time he gets back home. Watch out!

Do The Helen Keller....and Talk With Your Hips!

I don’t pretend to have good taste in music, but there have been some recent tunes to hit the airwaves that require immediate attention…..

Exhibit 1:
Artist: 3oh!3
Song Title: Don’t Trust Me
Favorite Lyrics: “Shush girl, shut your lips…do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips!”
Commentary: Ummm….I’m not really sure whether to be horrified – or laugh out loud. Let’s be honest; what it lacks in political correctness, it makes up for in cleverness. It seems like a line dance just waiting to happen…if it hasn’t already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDzzT2z-7RE

Exhibit 2:
“Artist”: Soulja Boy
Song Title: Kiss Me Thru The Phone
Favorite Lyrics: All of his words are very profound, so it’s difficult for me to choose. The real question is, can Soulja improve on his equally reflective chart topper, “Tell ‘Em”? The answer is YES.
Commentary: This song really hit a chord with me – especially since I can relate it to my life right now. John Paul is a million miles away and all I want to do is dial his digits and say, “Boo, I can be your Bonnie, you can be my Clyde. Just kiss me thru the phone.” If he doesn’t take the next flight back to Oz, I’ll be very surprised.

Home Alone

THURSDAY, April 23, 2009: John Paul is currently in route to the US for a business trip so I am officially flying solo for the next 10 days. In preparation for this, I’ve been making a mental checklist of all of the tasks I can complete in his absence but have had a hard time compiling anything of substance. My agenda for day 1 consisted of:

- Go buy more wine from Wines Direct
- Post some new blog entries (obviously, since this is being posted on Sunday)
- Send mom a Mothers Day card

I am disappointed to report that non of these initiatives have been completed in full. In fact, I didn’t even start on buying more wine – but I did drink ½ of a bottle. I’ve essentially assumed a bachelor-like existence and have been pretty worthless for the better part of my day. Here is a run down of my afternoon activities.

1. Arrive home at 3:00pm
2. Talk to my mom on Skype for 1 hour
3. Check websites for local events in Melbourne
4. Feel sorry for myself because I don’t have anyone to go with
5. Put on work out clothes, but decide to take a 30 minute “book break”
6. Dose off on the couch
7. Wake up and feel a renewed motivation to proactively meet friends
8. Waste 2 hours Facebook stalking and joining American Expat/Australian groups
9. Set up 3 girl-dates with people I’ve never met before. Kind of creepy, but undoubtedly necessary given I don’t interact with anyone under the age of 75 during my work day.
10. Watch Bondi Vet
11. Decide that I’m hungry and head up left-over, over-priced, Malaysian take out from last night.
12. Contemplate if I should go to the gym. Decide I SHOULD, but pour a big glass of wine instead
13. Begrudgingly send out some work emails as a personal punishment for boozing vs. Body Pump
14. Skype my friend Laura to discuss her upcoming nuptials
15. Discover that you can send voice files via Blackberry Messenger thanks to my friend Megan
16. Watch Beyonce’s awkward interview on Letterman.
17. Go to sleep.

I should really start making lists more often. I actually feel pretty accomplished. Despite my productivity, the place is a total disaster. Dishes in the sink, dirty clothes in my bathtub (this drives John Paul crazy), pillows thrown off the couch. Its kind of my way to celebrate that no one is here to notice.

Getting Cultural

Since moving to Melbourne, John Paul and I have become increasingly interested in the arts. That’s a pretty extreme exaggeration, but you wouldn’t have known it last weekend. On Saturday, Melbourne had the “Art Melbourne” exhibit where different galleries and artists from all over the country could come and sell their work. I found a deal online where I could get two tickets for the price of one – so I forked out $20 bucks for an afternoon of entertainment. What the hell. In all seriousness, we both enjoy and appreciate unique artwork, but aren’t really in the market to drop $7,000 on a sculpture made from driftwood. This apparently was not obvious to the gallery owners because on numerous occasions they approached us to initiate conversation and gauge our interest in various pieces. I probably should have made a PSA before entering the building that stated, “We wouldn’t be here if I didn’t get a BOGO deal so don’t waste your time. Thank you in advance.” One gallery manager even made a point to introduce us to the artist himself – which resulted in a 20 minute explanation of his vision when creating each piece. To give the guy credit, it was really cool to hear how it was created. Up until that moment, it looked to me like he had gotten shit-faced and stumbled upon some finger paint. As we were walking to the next exhibit, John Paul looks at me and said, “Wow, it seems like that guy is really in touch with his artwork; too bad he isn’t in touch with his personal appearance.” I about lost it. This guy did look like a Grade-A Paedophile. His attempt at wearing a trendy / vintage suit really wasn’t working in his favour. However, the icing on the cake was his super creepy moustache. I couldn’t figure out exactly what statement he was trying to make with his random patch of facial hair. To give you more of a visual – he kept the top 50% of the ‘stache (closest to his nose) very short…the lower half he allowed to grow much longer. It was a very interesting look; one that I would not recommend anyone to try. Ever. On Sunday, I got us tickets to Cirque Du Soleil Dralion. I have wanted to see a Cirque Du Soleil show for years and John Paul weaselled his way out of going when we were in Vegas last year. In all honesty; I can see where guys may be a little hesitant committing to these types of performances. All they show in the advertisements and commercials are a bunch of men swinging from ribbons and wearing leotards. Although John Paul needed a little reassurance that this would be very different from Wicked (the musical), he was a great sport. When we arrived at the ‘circus tent’; they require you to walk through the Dralion store so that you can be ‘tempted’ by all of the ridiculous souvenirs. It is absolutely mind boggling to see the barrage of people going nuts over this random paraphernalia. To a certain extend, I understand. I was a kid once – and I distinctly remember pitching a fit over wanting a stuffed dolphin from Sea World or begging for the Micky Mouse flashlight at Disney on Ice. That’s what kids do. What DOES concern me are the people who pay $150 for a Dralion windbreaker to commemorate their experience for years to come. If I see ANY of my friends (male or female) wearing an article of clothing with prepubescent Asian girls in spandex printed on it; we are going to have a serious talk. Do you know what I think is an appropriate souvenir? How about your ticket stub? If you want to get really crazy – buy a program. To get back on track, the show was absolutely amazing and I am seriously in awe of what these people can do. It physically, mathematically, and logically does not make sense. Or as John Paul put it during one of the performances, “These bitches are about to get crazy.” I think that it is safe to say that John Paul will be a little more enthusiastic about the next show that we go to. If you have to opportunity to see Dralion, I would highly recommend it!

The Snuggie is a SCAM!!!

Speaking of Snuggies….I was very excited when I found the official “Snuggie” for $15 bucks at Walgreens and could not wait to surprise John Paul when I got back to Australia. This is one of those “As Seen On TV” products that John Paul and I go nuts over because it is so ridiculous. They market it as “The blanket with sleeves!”……or……….if you aren’t a complete moron…..you can translate that into “A robe worn backwards!” I had to make it as obnoxious as possible, so I dropped it off at the embroidery kiosk at Hanes Mall and let them work their magic. If you can’t tell, that is a teddy bear playing a guitar on the front. However, I really can’t take credit for this idea. Our friend, Ben, purchased a Snuggie as a Valentines Day gift for his girlfriend and said that it was a HUGE hit. I just had to jump on the bandwagon. Although there is no visual documentation, I can assure you that John Paul is really enjoying his Snuggie and uses the free book light every night, too.

https://www.getsnuggie.com/flare/next

Easter in Oz

With Easter as our first ‘real’ holiday in Australia, John Paul and I were looking forward to a long weekend and creating our own little celebration. To give you the highlights…
Good Friday kicked off our mini vacation and we set out on the town to have a “Melbourne Day.” We were going to hit up some of the museums and other touristy spots that were still on our to-do list. Unfortunately, we didn’t get very far because EVERYTHING was closed. Not just the museums – everything. In fact, Good Friday turned up to be the only holiday – other than Christmas – that most businesses close. So random. Luckily, the Blockbuster was open, so we got Season 2 of Arrested Development, opened a couple…well maybe a few bottles of wine…and had a Great Friday. (On a side note – if you have not seen Arrested Development; do yourself a favour and rent a season. Awesome.)
So onto Easter…we got up and I was surprised to see that the Easter Bunny had travelled all the way to Australia. Apparently, he was feeling very spiritual this year and gave me a very nice Easter card – complete with a ‘pop up’ Jesus on the front. He also gave me several very nice gifts including t-shirts with some very poignant messages. Please see the attached pictures.
John Paul must have not been very good because all the Easter Bunny brought him was a Snuggie with a free book light.

She'll be missed

I don't post many serious blog entries; but considering I've made a few references to my trip back to the States - I might as well mention why. On Wednesday, March 25th my Granny passed away; so I flew back to spend some time with my family. I was so thankful to be able to get home as quickly as I did (all things considered) to be with the people I love the most. Although I feel very fortunate to have the opportunity to live in Australia for a few years - Granny's passing made me look at the experience from a different perspective. When you read the fine print - you have to be willing to make some sacrifices as well. I realize that I totally took for granted that I had most of my family at my fingertips. A few hours in the car and I was to my mom, sister, brother, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins, and my Granny and Popa.

I've posted some of my favorite pictures of my Granny. The picture above is of Granny and I; struttin' our stuff on the beach. I think she had the very first Juicy Couture jump suit. Oh Snap! The picture below is classic and reminds me of something that would be on a MikWright greeting card. All it needs is a caption that says, "For pete's sake,Merle! At least wait until you get into the water!" This is my Granny & Popa - circa 1983 - livin the good life.

Charlotte Fat Camp

As I was looking through the pictures from my trip back to the US; I became distinctly aware that my entire visit was centered around eating. In fact, at least 50% of the pictures taken were of me and my friends at restaurants. Here’s me and (________) eating breakfast at my FAVORITE bagel joint. Here’s me and (________) eating at my FAVORITE café for lunch. Here’s me and (________) having martinis and sushi at my FAVORITE trendy hot spot in Charlotte. This went on for an entire week! The most embarrassing part is that if I was driving somewhere on my own during a “feeding time”; I embraced the opportunity to eat some of my FAVORITE fast food. This is starting to sound like someone’s audition tape for The Biggest Loser. GROSS!! If I was in between meals; I would find an excuse to go to a Starbucks and get the biggest drink they offered. During my entire visit; I never got anything smaller than a Venti drip or a Venti iced coffee (these are NOT available in Oz).
I use to think it was so asinine that my friend Liz would come home from Chicago and insist on going to Chick-Fil-A and Bojangles. I would bitch non stop about how lard was the main ingredient in ½ of their menu items and was sure that no one over the age of six still ate stupid Bo-Berry Biscuits. Well, lightning strike me now because I am guilty of the same crime. Seriously though, the whole concept is pretty ridiculous. Its not like I’m going to come home in two years to find that Chick-Fil-A’s have evaporated from planet Earth. Furthermore, is not like I’ve been surviving off of insects and plant roots in the Outback for the past three months. Is it really necessary to take a Culinary Tour of Charlotte with the same enthusiasm that Octo-Mom has for IVF??? Bad analogy….
I’m going to the gym.

So with Easter just a couple days away, I was hippity hopping down memory lane thinking about some of my favourite Easter traditions of the past. Most of my memories consist of Easter baskets, chocolate bunnies, and dying Easter Eggs. Speaking of dying...did I mention that I accidentally killed a duckling when I was 3 years old? It was a tradition for my dad to get me a chick or a baby duck every year and then we would drop it off at Lake Norman when it got too big for a cardboard box or we got tired of cleaning duck shit out of the bathtub. I have always loved animals...apparently I just loved Quackers a little too much. (For the record, that was really his name.) See the attached picture. This was taken only moments before the homicide. Apparently following the casualty; a rumor of a mass genocide spread among the poultry community. Look at how the family of ducks react in my presence in the following picture. You can almost hear the momma duck screaming "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

On that note, I hope you all have a very Happy Easter! John Paul and I will miss being at home with our friends and family.

Aussie Ladette to Lady

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z30YOGTmcjs

Here's a clip of my favorite reality show, Ladette to Lady. These girls are serious trainwrecks - but everyone knows that's a required ingredient for any reality show. Truthfully, I watch it more to see the Head Mistresses, Jill and Rosemaaaary (cue Aussie accent), go absolutely ballastic on each and every individual hot mess on the show. Although the network is smart enough not to show Jill's grill on the print ads - homegirl is in SERIOUS need of some braces...and Rosemary....well she's just terrifying.

Extreme Skyping

Since arriving in Australia, one of the biggest challenges has been keeping in touch with my friends and family. Not only is the time difference significant; it’s pretty expensive to call in to or out of Australia directly using your cell or land line phone. With that being said – Skype has been my saving grace though the whole process. I have hounded most of my friends tirelessly to download this free service since we moved in January. …and a few I’ve even guilted into purchasing webcams. Nowadays, it’s pretty normal to have creepy online “Skype dates”. Since much of my day is spent on the road driving to appointments; one can imagine how this could potentially affect my ‘Skyping Schedule.” To remedy this, I’ve been getting some mileage out of my wireless internet stick so I can keep my laptop on and Skype loaded while I’m driving. The whole concept is pretty similar to using a blue tooth…only with no phone and no ear piece. Maybe it’s more like just having your friends talk through a loud speaker…I like to think about it as ultimate multi-tasking. I can keep up with my friends and family – all while going to and from my appointments. The greater advantage is really for the person that I’m talking to. They ‘sit’ in my passenger seat, so they get to see me AND some Australian landscape all at the same time. What a deal! Let me know if you are up for scheduling an Extreme Skype date and I’ll pencil you in!

Airport Fun

If you like people watching – or if your just easily amused; the airport is an ideal hang out. During my most recent trip from Melbourne to Sydney, I was in the security line behind a grown man that had on loafers, cut off jean shorts (a no-no for men of all ages), and a floral button down. To top it all off he had ½ a head of mangy hair that had grown past his shoulders, but started at the crown of his shiny dome. I am not very discrete, so I tried to take a quick picture on my phone. It turned out really blurry, but maybe you can still get the idea. I am still brainstorming over the best way to get a close up of any picture-worthy travellers without blatantly letting them know that I am making fun of them. Let me know if you have any ideas.
In addition to people within the airport, I’ve started paying more attention to my fellow passengers on the plane - usually because the person(s) of interest are sitting right next to me and I don’t have a choice. I am admittedly an un-social flyer. I always come equipped with reading material and my iPod fully charged. Although these necessities are partially due to my inability to sit and do nothing; their primary purpose is to eliminate the temptation for my neighbour to strike up a conversation. If you can’t nip it in the bud after the first friendly head-nod; you are setting yourself up for a full flight commitment of small talk. No thanks.
According to my most recent statistics; your chances for spotting a total freak-show nearly triple when flying from LA to the East Coast; or vice-versa. It’s no secret that Los Angeles is a hub for crazies and considering the planes are always huge and typically at full capacity, it’s not unlikely to see someone who looks like they’ve come strait from the loony bin, a 5 day bender, a sex change, or one of Octo Mom’s 14 children.
With that in mind, here is a recap from my most recent trip to the US: Since I booked my flight at the last minute, I really couldn’t be too particular about my seating arrangements. I had made it through the 15 hour leg from Australia to LA and was getting ready to embark on the 4 ½ hour leg to the East Coast. When I boarded the plane I celebrated a small victory when I discovered that I had scored an exit row. Things were looking up until I noticed two burly women side-stepping down the aisle and headed in my direction. This is when I silently start chanting “Keep walking! Keep walking!” No such luck; they both squeezed into their seats to my left. It took about 10 seconds for me to confirm that these ladies were more than “just friends.” I really am not concerned with other people’s sexual preferences – but I don’t want to be categorized as a lesbian either. I gave myself a quick “once-over” and made the sad realization that I looked kind of butch. I admit, my ‘flying uniform’ could probably be described as ‘welfare chic’…but when you are stuck on a plane for 25 hours, you aren’t too concerned with winning the Best Dressed superlative. I just didn’t want anyone thinking that I was WITH them….you know….WITH them. The good news is that if anyone did get that impression, I was clearly the third wheel and the dynamic duo sitting to my left seemed to not even notice my existence. By the time I got back from the bathroom they had their tray tables out sharing a full sized bag of BBQ potato chips, a gallon sized ziplock bag full of what appeared to be Halloween candy, and washing it down with 20oz bottles of Coke. Talk about a balanced meal! Apparently all of the saturated fat they ingested made them sleepy because shortly after their feast; the love birds curled up under one blanket and passed out. About five minutes later the larger one started to saw logs like a man. Thank goodness for my iPod…I only had 3 ½ more hours to go.

Good News! I've Found A Dentist!

Better News! I've Found A Hair Salon!

I Don't Know What This Store Sells...

BUT I WANT IT!

Maybe it's because I imagine people have said those exact words when I've walked through a doorway.

I Have A Serious Question...

How much money would someone have to pay you to be on this show??? These are the characters from Australia's #1 Children's Show, Hi5. Why wouldn't they get kids to perform on this show instead of 20-something trade school drop outs? My personal recommendation would be a 14 and under age requirement to even apply for the show. The labor would be cheaper and the victims would still have a good 5 or 10 years before they were considered adults. That should be plenty of time to change their identity and re-emerge into normal society.

Think about the kids who use to be on Barney - you probably wouldn't recognize them if you passed them on the street. On the flip side; consider that derelict of a grown man who was on Blues Clues. I bet he is wearing that striped polo and walking the streets of New York looking for his dignity. Sorry about your luck, Steve, but you did pawn off your self respect to a cartoon dog.

I get the appeal of being on a TV show. I admit, I even thought about applying for The Real World when I was in college and my life was SOOOOO interesting. HA! What a joke. But seriously though - I grew up in Florida where every kid wanted to be on the Mickey Mouse Club and a few of my friends even tried out. I recognized my lack of singing and/or dancing abilities early on in life and knew my best shot was landing a spot on a Nickelodean game show. (When I say "landing a spot", that really translates into "being picked at random.") Regardless of how I was picked, I just know that I voluntarily sat in a chair (on national television) and got whacked in the face with 5 whipped cream pies. Who thinks that is a good idea? Don't worry, I have since moved to the other side of the world to avoid public humiliation. Take it from me, Hi5....get out now while you can!!!!

"Sussing Out" our Stuff

The day John Paul and I have been waiting for has finally arrived – the movers showed up on Wednesday, March 4th with the container full of our most prized possessions from home. We would finally have proper plates to eat off of…and more than 2 pairs of pants to wear to work. What more could we ask for??? As anticipated, the moment I got off of work, I went into high gear getting everything unpacked and put away. Unpacking is a chore that I secretly love to do – my way – and before our stuff even arrived, it was understood that I would do the majority of the ‘putting away’. As you can imagine, John Paul didn’t put up much of a struggle and was happy to play his guitar for entertainment while I organized. Not a bad deal. But I also know that if John Paul helped put things away I would be finding duct tape and screwdrivers in the bathroom drawer (this actually happened by the way) and potato chips in the laundry room. Now, I will stick up for John Paul and state that he is really a pretty clean guy – but somewhere in the male anatomy there is a piece of DNA that does not distinguish the difference between ‘cleaning up’ and putting something out of sight. This characteristic, in turn, makes me go crazy looking for things because there is a greater chance of the item being somewhere completely random vs. where it would actually make sense. My dad proved this theory correct when I opened up the kitchen cupboard and found his toothbrush and toothpaste sitting alongside the glasses. When I questioned him about it – he explained that sometimes he wanted to brush his teeth after he ate toast. Well, DUH, what was I thinking?
So as we were chipping away at the boxes – we asked ourselves over and over – “Why the hell did we think that we needed this?” After living with so little for three months, it seemed ridiculous to think that we needed so much. Before packing up our home in Huntersville, we spent days “streamlining” our clothes and household items. The funny (and/or scary) part is that 40% of our possessions are still in a storage unit in the US.
The advantage to being the one who did most of the unpacking (and also being the one who posts all the blog entries) is that I can comment on some of the silly things that John Paul thought necessary to tote ½ way around the world.
1. His trusty bartenders file box full of index cards with drink recipes on them (circa 2000). He swears that he’s referenced some of the recipes in the past 9 years – but I don’t think grabbing an index card for a scrap piece of paper really counts.
2. FIFTEEN PAIRS OF JEANS. There are only 2 kinds of people that feel the need to have 15 pairs of jeans: Gay men and females. Period. Just kidding, boo….or am I???
3. An arsenal of sports equipment. John Pauls list: A bike, bike rack, 2 tennis rackets, 2 racquetball rackets, 2 baseball bats, cleats, 2 baseball gloves, 2 frisbees, golf clubs, golf balls, corn hole bean bags, 2 footballs, basketball. Brooke’s list: 2 tennis rackets, a can of tennis balls, & a soccer ball. Too bad John Paul didn't pack his parachute and fold up monkey bars - then he could have negotiated recess to be included in his work day.

To take a LITTLE responsibility for myself – I did insist on taking an obnoxious number of bath towels and sheets. I also insisted on bringing tons of serving bowls and platters for ‘entertaining.’ Seriously, Brooke…..who are you expecting to have over? The property manager for our housing complex? The prime minister?

All jokes aside - our place is all set up and looks great. Even with our crammed closets, I am so thankful to have the thing we love to make it feel more like home. Now we just need some visitors!! :)

I love my CRYSTAL!

Is it weird that I got choked up over Crystal Light? Yes, this is a pathetic – but true – story. One of my best friends from home, Stephanie, knows my addition to this delicious beverage and actually shipped a few containers to me in the mail. Those of you that have been to my home may have noticed that I like to keep a 52 week shelf supply of Crystal Light packets at all times. I am not kidding. When Harris Teeter had “buy one get one free” VIC buys – I would literally take a tour of all the local Teeters and clear their stock. If you can envision the manic ‘shop til you drop’ contestant that clears a shelf with one swoop – that is exactly what I look like when CL is BOGO. I am so excited to be able to make my favourite drink that I’ve missed so much over the past few months, but now I ration out servings like a complete Nazi. No more drinking glasses filled with watered down raspberry lemonade in this house!!! So now that I think we are all clear on how neurotic I truly am; I do have a few theories on what exactly initiated the tears:
1) It may have been the fact that she got some of my favourite flavors (which is pretty easy since I love any kind they have available EXCEPT for Peach Iced Tea).
2) The fact that Steph spent more on shipping it to me than what the Crystal Light itself cost.
3) INERTIA!
4) I think it was probably because I miss one of my best friends. Thanks again, Snizzle!

An Article TOTALLY Unrelated to Australia

John Paul regularly reads articles from ESPN on his phone when he is bored or waiting on me (which also happens regularly). For Valentines Day, he bought us tickets to Wicked, the broadway musical I've wanted to see since we visited Melbourne in November. So during the intermission, John Paul pulls out his phone and started reading an article to me out loud. Before long, both of us had tears in our eyes from laughing so hard. I guess because it seems so applicable to all of our lives. I'll let you all read it, but the part that really got me was how he and his friends compete for the "most extreme status update." It really challenges you to get a little more creative than, "Brooke is flossing her teeth. Yeah for dental hygiene!"

Here is the question that prompted the ESPN reporters response:
Can you think of the sports equivalent of the spouses of buddies whose Facebook friend-request you accepted who constantly update their status on the topic of taking care of their kids? Like "Jenn is watching her little ones nap" and "Sarah is playing 'Bob the Builder' with her kids! Yay!" As a 28-year-old unmarried man, it's not that I don't appreciate females or motherhood, it's just that I don't care. For the same reason that I don't update my status with "Kully just put on jock itch cream."
-- Kully, Guangzhou, China

Here is his response:
SG: Wouldn't the sports equivalent be like ending up with an undesirable throw-in for an NBA trade (aka Marcus Banks)? The more interesting angle for me is how Twitter and Facebook reflect where our writing is going thanks to the Internet. In 15 years, writing went from "reflecting on what happened and putting together some coherent thoughts" to "reflecting on what happened as quickly as possible" to "reflecting on what's happening as it's happening" to "here are my half-baked thoughts about absolutely anything and I'm not even going to attempt to entertain you," or as I like to call it, Twitter/Facebook Syndrome. Do my friends REALLY CARE if I send out an update, "Bill is flying on an airplane finishing a mailbag right now?" (Which is true, by the way.) I just don't think they would. I certainly wouldn't. That's why I refuse to use Twitter.
As for Facebook, I don't mind getting status updates and snapshots of what my friends' lives are like -- even if "Bob the Builder" is prominently involved -- as long as they aren't posting 10 times a day or writing something uncomfortable about their spouse/boyfriend like "(Girl's name) is … trying to remember the last time she looked at her husband without wanting to punch him in the face" or "(Girl's name) is … just going to keep eating, it's not like I have sex anymore." Keep me out of your personal business, please. Other than that, the comedy of status updates can be off the charts. Like my college classmate who sends out status updates so overwhelmingly mundane and weird that my buddies and I forward them to each other, then add fake responses like, "(Guy's name) … snapped and killed a drifter tonight" and "(Guy's name) … would hang myself if the ceilings in my apartment weren't too short." It kills us. We can't get enough of it. We have been doing it for four solid months. And really, that's what Facebook is all about -- looking at photos of your friend's kids or any reunion or party, making fun of people you never liked and searching for old hook-ups and deciding whether you regret the hook-up or not. That's really it. All in all, I like Facebook.

Aussie TV

Since arriving in Australia, John Paul and I challenged ourselves to go “cable-free” for a few months to see if we were happy without it. Like everything else in AU, the installation costs were astronomical and they wanted to lock you into a 24 month contract. For the most part we’ve been fine with the fifteen or so ‘free to view’ channels. Typically ‘the cricket’ or ‘footy’ is on at least 3 channels, while the same show will be playing on 2 or 3 channels in a row. I know this might sound terrible, but you really do get use to it. We still get the good shows that come on during the weeknights….Grey’s Anatomy, CSI, Desperate Housewives, etc. There are a fair amount of Australian shows and at times, they will take you by surprise. There are no regulations on showing full nudity or saying the “F” word (No, Mom, I don’t mean fart). The only problem that I have with Australian sitcoms is that they are an absolute trainwreck. “Home and Away” and “Neighbours” are the two shows that are well known and have been on the air forever. To sum it up - the acting chops of the get-along gang they have working on these shows is comparable to my performance as Abe Lincoln in my 2nd grade school play. The only show that is worth noting is Underbelly (which is based loosely on real life events of Australian gangs in the 80’s). The only other time that I look forward to Australian based TV is on the weekend. Every Saturday morning John Paul and I will wake up, make coffee and watch Australian music videos. This topic really deserves its own blog entry – so I’m just going to stop here. Check out the talent from down under on my next post.

Some Eye Candy from Saturday Morning Music Television

Can you seriously look at this ass clown and keep a strait face? This trend-setta goes by the name Sam Sparro and is H-O-T-T HOT on the Australian music scene. One of the things I like most about Sam (besides his musical talent) is that he is extremely well rounded. This is evident through the pictures shown here. Example #1: By sporting an Aztec print baseball cap, he is showing a respect for other ethnic backgrounds. In addition, the volleyball scarf and ski jacket display his dedication to staying physically fit. Example #2: Sam's future is so bright, he's gotta wear STUNNA SHADES. There really aren't too many positives I can pull from this picture. The only WILD thing I see in this blatant display of gayness is his creepy pedifile mustache.

If you're like me and can't get enough of Sam...check out his latest music video - clearly money was no object when putting together this audio/visual masterpiece!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyU50Hp7PW8

Sadly, this is NOT a joke.